the worlds funniest jokes

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The gay Irish priests;

Fr Michael Fitzpatrick and Fr Patrick Fitzmichael.

Their Scottish brethren;

Ben Doone and Phil McCaffity.

Their German Nun;

Sr Maria Snizen Tite

And her Russian prostitute cousin;

Nikkas Onanovalot
 
Viagra is now available in Eye Drop packaging.

....One drop in each eye & you can walk around all day looking hard.

Kin
 
Last edited:
A topical Brit joke:-

Wayne Bridge had a present made for his ex-girlfriend, in that he had his privates cast as a replica in chocolate by Cadbury's.

His girlfriend turned the gift down as she prefers Terry's.......:lol:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/sport1/hi/football/8490996.stm

:rofl3
 
Well, I did it a couple of days ago in another thread (don't remember exactly which one). :)
 
@ Juzzer

I have a totally clear conscience. I just couldn't be arsed. :lol:

Kin
 
Why I fired my secretary
Yesterday was my birthday
And I didn't feel very well
Waking up on that morning.

I went downstairs for breakfast
Hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, 'Happy Birthday!', And possibly have a small present for me.

As it turned out,
She barely said good morning,
Let alone
'Happy Birthday.'

I thought...

Well, that's marriage for you,
But the kids...
They will remember.

My kids came bounding down stairs to breakfast And didn't say a word.
So when I left for the office,
I felt pretty low
And somewhat despondent.

As I walked into my office,
My secretary Jane said,
'Good Morning Boss,
And by the way
Happy Birthday! '
It felt a little better
That at least someone had remembered.

I worked until one o'clock ,
When Jane knocked on my door
And said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day outside,
And it is your Birthday,
S0 What do you say we go out to lunch,
Just you and me.'
I said, 'Thanks, Jane,
that's the greatest thing
I've heard all day.
Let's go!'
We went to lunch.
But we didn't go
Where we normally would go.
She chose instead at a quiet bistro
With a private table.
We had two martinis each
And I enjoyed the meal tremendously...

On the way back to the office,
Jane said, 'You know,
It's such a beautiful day....
We don't need to go straight back to the office, Do we ?'

I responded,
'I guess not.
What do you have in mind?'
She said,
'Let's drop by my apartment,
it's just around the corner.'

0K

After arriving at her apartment,
Jane turned to me and said,
' Boss, if you don't mind,
I'm going to step into the bedroom
For just a moment.
I'll be right back.'
'Ok.' I nervously replied.

She went into the bedroom and,
After a couple of minutes,
She came out
Carrying a huge birthday cake ........
Followed
By my wife,
My kids,
And dozens of my friends
And co-workers,
All singing 'Happy Birthday'.




And I just sat there...

On the couch...

Naked.


:D:D

It made me laugh,I thought guys you would enjoy it too
 
I don't know about funniest, but I never thought of it. :D

wizard-of-oz2.jpg


Heather
 
A blonde and a brunette were watching the 10 o'clock news. On the news was a man standing on top of a building about to jump off.
The brunette turns to the blonde and says I bet you £10 that man jumps. The blonde says all right you're on.
Sure enough the guys jumps off the building .

So the blonde turns to the brunette and says “Well I guess that's £10 I owe you.”
The brunette turns to her laughing "It's OK I actually saw the 6 o'clock news and I knew that he jumped"
“Well,” says the blonde "I saw the 6 o'clock news as well, but I didn't think he'd do it twice!"


Dave G :cool:
 
Two hookers on a street corner.

One of them says, "I think it'll be a good night tonight... I smell cock in the air".

The other says, "Yeah sorry... I just burped."

:slap

Dave G :cool:
 
/ edited by TC .......Sorry Mate I cant leave the F word in.

---------- Post added at 22:37 ---------- Previous post was at 22:35 ----------

ahhh FFS :thumbsdown:

:D:D:D
 
Ah, FFS back to yah :p

You know the score mate, keep it clean & "office" friendly...

TC :D
 
@ TC

Surely you could have asterixed it or summat. I'm sure everyone would have got the forking idea then. ;)

Kin
 
Here be the censored version of above... ^ :D

4384979348_8c4efbdefa_o.jpg


---------- Post added at 14:13 ---------- Previous post was at 14:09 ----------

4384988982_956238b716_o.png
 
LMAO! :rofl3 That last one has cheered me up no end.
 
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