the worlds funniest jokes

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A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence..

So Satan walked up to the man and said, "Do you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"Nope, sure ain't", said the man.

"Do you realise I can kill you with one word?" asked Satan.

"Don't doubt it for a minute", returned the old man, in an even tone."Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Satan.

"Yep", was the calm reply.

"And you are still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope", said the old man

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked "Why aren't you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied,

"Been married to your sister for 48 years!"
 
Satan cought a German, Russian and a Pole.
He gave them each 2 metal balls and said that if one of them will astonish him he will let that person free.
The German put one ball on the floor and threw the other in the air which landed on the ball on the floor.
The Russian placed both balls on top of eachother.
The Pole broke one ball and lost the other one.
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Thread necromancy!

This joke is a tad old in my country, but here it goes:

An English family visited the Alps region in Germany and like a house for rent, as it was perfect for the family vacations.

After returning back to England they realized they didn't saw the loo/water closet. So the mother wrote a letter to the german landlord:

"Excuse me, we like your house pretty much, but we don't see where the W.C. is located."

The landlord didn't understand the term WC, but figured out it might be the White Chapel church, and so he wrote the answer:

"I'm glad to inform the required placed is only ten miles away from the house. I know it is a bit far, specially when going in there every day.

When going there, is important to bring food to be able to pass the entire day there.

Some people like to go there on bare foot, others in bicycles, cars and motorcycles. There is accommodations to up to 400 sited and 50 up persons. The conditioned air system is working so no problems with the bad odours that such agglomerations produces.

The seats are made in velvet for more comfort and is better to show up early to have a sit.

The children sits next to their fathers.

At the entrance a paper sheet is given to every one that goes inside. This sheet must be returned at the exit, as it is used for the whole month. If no sheet is available you can use the one from the nearest person.

Everybody sings along and everything produced is given to the poor people.
 
"Doctor, Doctor i have but 59 seconds left to live"

"One minute please"

:D
 
A man goes to the doctors because he thinks his wife is going deaf.

He asks "Is there anything I can do to check if she is?"

Dr says "Stand about 4 mtrs behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't answer go a bit closer and ask again."

The man goes home, stands 4 metres behind his wife and says "What's for tea?"

His wife doesn't answer so he moves 1 metre nearer and says "What's for tea precious?"

Still no answer so again he moves another metre nearer and says "What's for tea darling?"

Still no answer so he moves another metre forward and is now stood right behind her and again asks "What's for tea my sweet?"

She turns around and says "For the fourth :censored: time............"

Dave G :cool:
 
:lol: Love that one, reminds me of my grandparents :D
 
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